why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
