He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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