Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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