I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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