ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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