Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
