You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
