we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
