What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Is Oprah even human
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
