I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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