We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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