The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You ruined the universe
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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