I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
one two three fourrrrnication!
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
