My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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