We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
