When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
