so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
