Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
