I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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