I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
