Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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