tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
