Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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