I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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