Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize