I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
