I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
