Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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