More tranny stories later!
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
