I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The air was thick with penises
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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