Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
