Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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