420 ftw
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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