ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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