That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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