Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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