I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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