Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
