you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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