Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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