im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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