Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
