i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
