If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
