Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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