i barfeds in our rink
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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