I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
