yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
