we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
