it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
