so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
