Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
