I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
