I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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