Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize