The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
