so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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