dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My friends, they love my intelligence
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
