When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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