i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
