from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize