I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize