Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
