he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
