i just sent this text using only my big toe
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
