wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
