ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
