True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
